When a narcissist unjustly accuses you of the very things they’re doing to you, and when you accuse the narcissist of doing what they’re actually doing to you.
So when it comes to a narcissist, they are usually very untrustworthy people within themselves. They can often believe that people are coming from the same intent that they are coming from, whether they are aware of this Intentionally, whether they are aware of this consciously or whether it is instinctively, It’s their subconscious, depends on the individual narcissist. We, on the other hand, tend to believe that people are coming from the same place that we are coming from, then when we get to know somebody who sells us Ourselves our values, our beliefs, our dreams, and our hobbies. We believe they want the same things as us. We don’t recognise that they have sold us ourselves to form an illusion, they exploit us, so we believe and trust them.
We don’t recognise that the narcissist is exploiting us, and as we don’t go around exploiting other people, We don’t expect people to exploit us. When it Comes to a narcissist, one of the criteria for the disorder is the fact that they are extremely envious of other people, often believing other people are very envious of them; Therefore, due to the fact that they are envious of others due to the fact that they feel like they’re entitled to do as they please so it’s one rule for them and another rule for you they can often act in certain ways towards you that they don’t believe you should act in ways towards them. Therefore whatever it is that the narcissist is doing behind your back, or whatever they are thinking of doing behind your back, they’re going to start accusing you of doing these things because they know themselves that they are capable of doing them, so when a narcissist starts unjustly accusing you of not telling them something, of cheating on them, of meeting up with people, leaving out information “ you never told me that.” when they start accusing you of these very things that they are doing to you because you’re not doing it to them you’re then the one that’s left to explain yourself to them justify yourself to them, rationalise to them, to make them feel better, because you care about them you often do all you can to change to appease the very person who’s going all out to control you through your emotions to make you feel bad for them to make you change your plans to serve them.
That’s exactly what they are unjust accusations now, later down the line, due to the fact a narcissist can cause chaos. They can create drama. They can create conflict out of fresh air. They can create an argument for argument’s sake to stop you from going out, so if you’re somebody who likes hitting that gym, they’re going to start accusing you of wearing inappropriate clothing. A narcissist can start nitpicking at what you’re wearing to go to the gym. They’re going to start asking you who you’re meeting at that gym. Even though you’ve been going to that gym for years, a narcissist is going to start coming at you. Therefore you might start taking your gym clothes to work with you and hitting the gym after work to avoid the argument, and when you find yourself in that kind of relationship, you need to find a safe way out of that relationship. Regardless of what is wrong, however, Narcissists often monitor where you are and what are you are doing. They might put tracking devices on your phone. They might put tracking devices on your vehicles. They might want to drop you off and pick you up. They’re going to be monitoring everything that you do and, at the same time, demanding that you spend all your time with them. So where a narcissist will want to go out and do what they want to do, when you want to go out, they’re going to start accusing you of being selfish, of being awkward, of not taking care of them, or causing problems within the relationship.
A Narcissist will claim you’re not taking care of them again, emotional blackmail to make you feel guilty to make you feel inadequate to make you do more for them, not realising that they are gaining control of your emotions to gain control over you.
All this negativity, all these unjust accusations, all the nitpicking about where you’re going, what you’re doing, all the narcissists triangulation with friends when they’re accusing your friends and family of interfering too much, all this demanding of your time, the narcissist guilt-tripping you slowly starts to isolate you from the very people who would actually be there for you, which works in the narcissist favour because they can further manipulate your emotions to their advantage.
A narcissist will go all out to shame you into blaming yourself, to unjustly accuse you so that the narcissist can get you into a place of self-doubt, so you end up going to the narcissist for validation and answers rather than listening to yourself.
When you don’t do as a narcissist pleases, when you don’t do what the narcissist asks of you, A narcissist can either rage out at you or fall silent on you just so that they can cause the maximum pain towards you. However, when you’re accusing a narcissist of something, you’re usually accusing them of what they’re actually doing to you. You usually have an instinct within you that knows that they are doing something, and you’re not unjustly accusing them because you’re doing it or because you’re thinking about doing it. You’re accusing them because their behaviour is causing that instinct to rise within you, causing that intrigue within you.
When you call a narcissist out they’re going to go all out to gaslight you, they’re going to accuse you of being insecure of having trust issues, of being too sensitive, of overreacting of being hung up on your past, of being jealous, they’re going to accuse you, they’re going to project out onto you all the things they feel towards you, all the things that they were actually doing towards you, The narcissist will attack the emotions they are trying to provoke within you.
A narcissist is going to accuse you of what they are doing to you, to gaslight your reality, in a way so that they can become offensive towards you. They’re going to attack you to get you on the defensive towards them, so that you find yourself defending yourself, explaining yourself and justifying yourself to them, so they don’t have to explain to you what they’re doing to you.
A narcissist will call you crazy for things you later find out to be true.
Even when you call a narcissist out with facts and evidence, they will lie and deny it. They will distract, they will deflect, they will twist the blame, they will find a scapegoat to blame, they will shame you, they will accuse you, they will justify it, they will appeal to popular opinion, The narcissist will claim it’s not that bad. It’s not what you think, or they’ll not want to discuss it.
A narcissist is going to do all they can to avoid taking responsibility for their behaviour so that they can get away with their behaviour. A narcissist will blame you for the reasons they have behaved in the way they behave towards you. A narcissist will blame you for treating you in a way that people should not treat other people, all those “if you would’ve paid me more attention if you hadn’t, then I wouldn’t.” It doesn’t matter how much attention you pay somebody. If somebody loves and cares about you, they won’t do things that would hurt you that could potentially damage their relationship with you. Part of the narcissist personality Disorder criteria is the requirement of excessive attention, so no matter how much attention you serve a narcissist, they’re always going to be seeking more.
A Narcissist’s behaviour is on them. It is a choice that they make, by themselves, to do to you, but because they don’t want to be held responsible for their behaviour. They don’t want to be held accountable for their behaviour, because they don’t want to face the consequences of their actions. They are going to find somebody else to blame so they can get away with it.
A narcissist often accuses you or even friends and family of doing things that that narcissist is actually doing to you.
A narcissist will shower you with attention, affection and support, to withhold it to punish you, to then give you back attention and affection and support, to breadcrumb you to give you the false hope of something that was never meant to be, all. At the same time, they accuse you of not giving them the attention they believe they’re entitled to. However, if you speak to a narcissist about them withholding attention, affection and support from you, they’re going to make you feel like you’re being too demanding of them.
Sometimes you’re not asking for too much you’re just asking the wrong person.
A narcissist is going to make it, so you’re always the one second-guessing your emotions, your feelings, your actions, your behaviour, your words, your opinions so that you no longer question theirs.
A narcissist needs you to second-guess yourself so that they can further their control over you.
A narcissist’s accusation and a non-narcissist accusation can be very similar. The place those accusations are coming from are very different. One is through manipulation. The narcissist accuses you to manipulate you. A non-narcissist accuses a narcissist through instincts, telling them what the narcissist is actually up to.
Narcissists’ accusations are coming from a place based on who they are as a person a. Narcissist’s accusations are often confessions.
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Elizabeth Shaw is not a Doctor or a therapist. She is a mother of five, a blogger, a survivor of narcissistic abuse, and a life coach, She always recommends you get the support you feel comfortable and happy with. Finding the right support for you. Elizabeth has partnered with BetterHelp (Sponsored.) where you will be matched with a licensed councillor, who specialises in recovery from this kind of abuse.
Narcs project onto their victims because they are looking in a mirror. When they attack their victims for setting boundaries, the sludge that spews out their mouth is really about themselves. They only are out of them and are incapable of — or unwilling to — think externally.
Absolutely, everyone from her past.. all her issues were because of narcissistic abuse or she she claimed. She use to praise me for strength and encouragement and coming into her life.. when she left she took it all back told me I was the weak one all along with mental issues… not her and I’m also her next narcissistic horror story… I was floored when I read about narcissistics and the abuse cycle, it was like an outline of our whole relationship. I’ve never felt so used and manipulated, dehumanized and worthless.. my life my dreams were we’re less than nothing in the end next her needing victim attention and excuses for how she lives. I know it’s one big red flag looking back but I genuinely believed she was so brave and strong and open and honest.. blah she got me to open up my deepest pain like hers she always talked about then used it all to hurt as much as possible so she could say look he’s crazy I needed to leave! It’s disgusting and illegal but once you’re accused of being an abuser by little Angel everyone wants to take care of your life is basically over no matter what the truth is. Evil fake people.. I thought she was the most honest person I had ever met! I just wanna cry and so most of the time when I think about it. I’d give anything to feel normal again
My heart breaks for you. I am sorry you went through all that. Narcissist s are as manipulative As It Gets. My hope is for healing, it does get better
I am sorry you went through all that also. I believe you and your feelings are valid. Your needs are valid. I feel narcissism is pure evil
*out for themselves — not “out of them”