Overcoming Narcissistic Abuse by, Elizabeth Shaw – Life Coach
A narcissistic relationship with anyone, a romantic relationship or a parental relationship leaves a lot of wounds to heal, co-workers, bosses and friends can also leave us with anxiety.
Rational anxiety is normal, unfortunately, when our minds are around negative, uncertain environments. This rational anxiety once out can leave us with irrational anxiety, as our subconscious has been programmed long term to protect us.
As a narcissist is gaslighting us with psychological abuse, often leaving us with self-doubt and lack of self-esteem. They also provoke us for that reaction, and they will then project their wrongdoings onto us and blame us, leaving us feeling like we are to blame and full of guilt, with the added psychological abuse of the silent treatments, invalidation etc., leaving us questioning what we did wrong, often leaving us walking on eggshells around them, no longer being able to speak up for ourself and full off anxiety through fear of reactions and the self-doubt they’ve planted in our mind.
Some of us can be feeling calm in the current Coronavirus pandemic, others our anxieties can be levelling up a notch or ten.
Our nervous systems are wired to look at our environment for threats or danger to help keep us alive, and it’s also looking for safety, when we feel or see some form of danger we can the focus in on it, so we can try to prepare to take action if we need to, fight, flight, freeze or fawn.
So with the current Coronavirus pandemic, you will see around you, heroes, villains and people trying to stay nobodies. Doesn’t make those selfish, villains, Narcissistic or wrong, we can fight Covid-19 by helping others, or panic buying to be prepared, we can take flight shut shop ( which we also must do for our own safety social distancing to protect others as well as ourselves.) but those who lockdown before governments lockdown, freeze or fawn, you might find hear some of the older generations still going about their day, and when we ask them to self-isolate we can get a reply of. “When you’re times up, it’s up.” fawning.
With the uncertainty around an invisible virus that we don’t know when it’ll will be near us, who it will infect, who will be mild or severe cases.
With most people our fight or flight response, just line in a narcissistic relationship when we can not see the invisible danger as it’s all done through manipulation we don’t even know or see at the time we are in it, our fight or flight response is getting prepared to do battle, with nowhere for that extra energy to go, why we can snap so easily, cry so quickly, we can become extremely anxious.
Symptoms of anxiety are.
Changes in a heartbeat.
A dry mouth.
Shortness of breath.
Emotional and effects are.
A sense of fear or dread.
Loss of confidence.
Feeling disconnected from the world, friends and family.
Feeling unsettled on edge or restless.
Anxiety can affect all areas of our life, living with anxiety can make us withdraw from life itself. We can overcome our anxiety with simple steps and work. We can recognise our fears and find a coping mechanism to handle them the correct way for our individual needs.
Anxiety causes chaos in the mind and body, leaving our mind to react strongly to certain events or situations.
Fear usually manifests in the case of danger, yet there may be no rational danger when anxiety hits, although your mind truly believes it is rational. Yet because there is an invisible danger out there, we just don’t know where it can send our anxieties rising.
Once we’ve been through one anxiety attack, our mind prompts us to avoid any situation or place where we’ve experienced it before, a natural defence mechanism to help us. Avoidance is our minds way of trying to protect us. Once we’ve experienced pain, if our mind believes it is going to experience it again, anxiety kicks in thinking it’s protecting us. It’s natures way for us to avoid stressful situations when it’s a rational fear; it serves us well when it’s irrational, it starts to become counterproductive and work against us.
In an attempt to protect ourself, our mind sends out warning signals. It sends us into a state of hyper-vigilance. So we start avoiding places and people. Understanding why it happens helps us manage our anxieties, and anxiety will work in favour for some people as we do need to keep our distance and not mix, but we do still need to communicate with others.
Anxiety isn’t caused by one single factor, and it’s usually a build-up of a combination of things, difficult life experiences can be one cause, when we start to feel anxious we often turn to things that give us comfort, food, wine etc. If it helps do it, if it makes you feel worse, in the long run, don’t, it’s our life to find what helps us and what hinders us. When it hinders, it’s time to create new coping strategies. Being aware and assessing the negative effects is key. So if having a glass of wine or two helps and we can carry on great, if having two bottles gets us texting random stuff to those we shouldn’t, replying to things we shouldn’t on social media threads, and waking up feeling worse it’s time to change it. If we’re comfort eating then feel worse afterwards, all we are doing is feeding our anxiety, and it may feel hard, it might feel painful to start but going for a walk, running up and downstairs for five minutes instead will help release endorphins and help us feel much better instead of that comfort food. To help calm our anxiety, we’ve got to deal with the underlying issues first.
Everyone has an inner voice, however, after an abusive relationship, and if we struggle with anxiety, it can work against us. Our inner critic can hold us back, and it can self-sabotage so many areas in our life.
We need to identify it and challenge it. Once we do, we can then break the cycle.
We have now got to catch those negative thoughts, and it is not easy to start this process, once we do, it gets easier.
Talking to the right people can help, friends, family, support groups, talk therapy, psychologists, life coaches are great with helping you work on anxiety. Talking helps with.
Cognitive behavioural, which teaches you to adjust your thoughts and actions.
Interpersonal shows you how to communicate better.
Problem-solving gives you the skills to manage your symptoms.
1. Social interaction with those who care for you, with social distancing to keep everyone safe and social media, we don’t have to and shouldn’t be doing this face to face right now, we have the ability to message, FaceTime, Skype, text, call etc., Talking to the right people can help, friends, family, support groups, talk therapy, psychologists.
Talking with people who can help our, cognitive behavioural, which teaches us to adjust your thoughts and actions. So when we are focused on the news about the pandemic our nervous system can keep us hooked on it, then we need to distract ourselves away from it, talking with people about it to get it out, yet then talk about how we feel, then talk about something that makes us laugh.
Interpersonal shows you how to communicate better.
Problem-solving gives you the skills to manage your symptoms.
2. Do it how you want to do it, if buying those toilet rolls helps, ( I also recommend donating some to those in need.) If sorting your food supply keeps you calm, do it just try to avoid excess and try to donate, if cleaning your home helps do it, setting up a delivery service, do it, hiding in bed watching films, do it, ( but also try to get up and do something if you’re hiding in bed.) there are enough people to do their bit, those wanting to hide out in their homes are indeed helping to stop spread the virus, everyone is doing their bit their own way.
Just don’t be offended when someone posts something about people cleaning too much, washing hands too much, hiding, being super helpful. It’s their own coping mechanism to stay calm, recognise it, respect it, see if you can help them in any way, if not leave them to it, we are all individuals, and with good intentions, there is no wrong or right way only our way.
It’s a proven mood-booster that’s good for your body and mind. Exercise also raises your self-esteem and confidence. And it’s considered to be a treatment for mild to moderate depression. It releases endorphins which naturally lift your mood.
Even a brisk walk if you can do this where you are. Just find something that you enjoy, music on YouTube and have a dance around, with children if you have them, exercise and yoga videos on YouTube, running up and downstairs, lifting those tins of beans you might have stocked up on, or your shoes, imagination is powerful, find the online exercise, that you can do in the home.
3. Yoga or meditation, just 2-5 minutes a day can help.
Focus on your breath
Make a picture in your mind of a beautiful image
Repeat a simple word or mantra, like “happiness.”
4. Do something meaningful. Find something you enjoy, Get involved in an activity that feels important to you. It may be athletic, political, spiritual, or a social cause where you can volunteer. Look for something that gives you a sense of purpose.
5. Be creative. Direct your focus into something constructive. Rediscover your strengths. If you have a long-lost talent or interest, dive back into it. Listening to music, learning to play an instrument, try painting, dancing, singing, writing, keep trying new things to you discover what you enjoy, so many online resources and courses.
6. Read a good book. It’s an excellent way to relax. There’s even research that shows that reading books on psychology may boost your mood. Also learning about narcissistic personality disorder and what you’ve been through helps a lot of people in the recovery process, although that isn’t for everyone. Keep up to date with information about the Coronavirus, and we do need to know what’s happening, however, set a time, then do something that makes you laugh, even if that’s just finding funny memes, calling a friend, dancing with your children.
7. Get a good support system going, reach out to support groups with people who know what you’ve been through and how to help, friends and family if they are available. Not only for those who’ve been through trauma at the hands and mind of a narcissistic, but also local online support groups about the virus.
8. Get organised. Slowly and step by step, set a new goal, de-cluttering your home can give you a clearer mind, creating that routine to help you stay on course while in the home, this might take will power, prove to yourself, that you have the willpower.
9. Trying to manage your worry, keep a written diary. Set aside time to do it, then leave those worry’s in the journal and enjoy your day. Keeping a diary on your anxiety also helps you spot signs and triggers.
Small steps day by day, storms don’t rain down on us forever.
Find what works for you, keep going you’ve got this.
Click the link below for the full online course to help you understand and overcome narcissistic abuse, with a link inside to free access for the hidden online support group, with daily advice and support from me, alongside other survivors doing the course.
Hello I’m Liz, and I get the pleasure to raise five incredible boys, I have three with the ex-husband, who’s just unique, and my youngest two with the ex-narcissist, wanting to raise as much awareness as possible about narcissist personality disorder, and ways to recover, so hopefully people know the signs so don’t get involved in the first place, get out safely, help with all the counter parenting the narcissist throws in, help with whoever the narcissist is in your life, and help with recovery so you can move past it and have an incredible life.
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