Overcoming Narcissistic Abuse, by Elizabeth Shaw – Life Coach.
Is the narcissist watching you?
Stalking is the willful harassment of another person, from repeatedly turning up at your home, bombarding you with messages or calls, getting friends and family to do so, turning up unexpectedly where you are, frequently driving past you, even moving across the road and sending you messages of what you are dressed in. Approaching you, harming pets, stalking your children, calling your boss to make false accusations, sending threatening or sexual letters, any letters or messages, emails or gifts. They can guilt-trip you with I’m sick messages to play on our empathy, they can threaten to tell our insecurities to make us feel shame, and they can and will make up blatant lies to say to friends, family and work colleagues etc.,
Stalking your social media, setting up fake accounts to do so. ( if you’ve checked on theirs as you want closure, it happens to the best of us, but do work on stopping now, not all, but a few do this it is normal if you are one of them, as you just want answers, some even check out the new partner, this isn’t done with malicious intent often just curiosity, again if you did, you’re not alone, some do some don’t.)
Stalking is when the narcissist is trying to intimidate you and restrict your freedom to keep control over you. Stalking often causes emotional and psychological harm in the target you usually ends up living in some state of fear.
Those who continually stalk most often do suffer from some form of personality disorder. Not all narcissists stalk, some are too lazy. However, a lot will.
Narcissists have the personality trait of feeling like they are entitled, preoccupied with power and success often includes in relationships, they have the arrogance that they can do as they please, will exploit others to get their needs met, and they lack the emotional empathy to care for what pain they cause their target. They don’t have the respect to care for another’s boundaries, and their minds can be set on. “What’s mine is mine.” Narcissists often view people as objects, and if they want it, they believe they should have it. If they are envious of another, which is another trait of the disorder, they can go all out to destroy someone.
Most abusers who are stalkers often have substance abuse, and will be addicts, to at least one of the following, drugs, alcohol, gambling, porn, addicted to people, addicted to having the best of whatever they can and extremely jealous when someone has better.
Being stalked by a narcissist can bring on an extreme level of anxieties when our anxieties are already at a high from the abuse, it’s natural for our brain to want to protect ourselves from danger, unfortunately sometimes this can work against us as we can then exaggerate the danger within our own mind, making our anxieties worse.
We can become fearful of an online friend request, going out in case they turn up, gangstalking is another genuine issues when dealing with certain narcissists. This is also on different levels depending on the narcissist you’re dealing with.
It can become difficult to know who to trust, anyone you suspect, tell them a different story about yourself and see which one the narcissist finds out about.
Stalking is serious, and you need to stay safe, trying to talk with others who understand, to give you the correct perspective, while staying safe.
Some of us can also try to minimise it and not take it seriously, this is ok, so long as we also stay vigilant and safe.
I know when I was in the most dangerous point, the police gave me a long list of things like, which room to barricade the children in and me how to get in my car lock the doors then strap the children in. If I saw the narcissist when out, go straight into a shop and call the police, when we are full of anxiety, it can keep us locked In Worsening anxiety, not going out and OCD checking doors are locked if we are not careful, there is no wrong in being prepared and keeping yourself safe, just don’t allow them to stop you from living.
Stalking is against the law, however getting the evidence for law enforcement to do something is tricky, so save any message you get from the narcissist, from their friends and from their family, take photos when they come to your house or do a drive-by, and call the police every time, every time, each and every time, you can feel silly, you can question yourself, ( well I did.) even had a judge ask why I hadn’t, and instruct me to do so as soon as I got home, in front of the narcissist. So still call the police each and every time. You need to build up the evidence so they can take action required.
Narcissists will smear your name to all others about just how crazy you are, so when you tell them you’re being stalked, they don’t believe you. Talk with good people, keep telling authorities, some here You first time, others it takes a while.
Stalking can often end in violence so keep yourself safe, make sure the narcissist hasn’t put a tracker on your phone, even better get a new phone, same for tracking devices in your car, keep your phone charged up and on you at all times, stay vigilant.
Don’t worry about hurting their feelings if they are trying to guilt-trip you with pity plays, call authorities depending on what they are saying, so they are ok, yet step away, keep your boundaries high.
Make sure all you’re location settings on apps are turned off, do not allow any apps to show your location.
If you can change days/times you go out, become unpredictable, or on that drive to work sometimes set off a lot earlier but not always, try to take different routes, as a colleague to walk to the car with you.
Don’t warm them you’ll call the police, just call the police.
Keep you home locked, including windows.
Block the narcissist on everything you can, block all their flying monkeys, don’t let them know anything about your life. Keep your phone charged, make sure there is no tracking device and report every single incident to the authorities, keep doors locked, know a safe place to get to, again call authorities over anything no matter how small. Also, once those steps are in place, and you know what to do, don’t focus on it, live and enjoy your life. Do the things you enjoy doing, stalking is serious, yet try to keep smiling, keep on laughing.
It’s scary being stalked, but you can still live while keeping yourself safe.
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