Overcoming Narcissistic Abuse, by Elizabeth Shaw – Life Coach.
Be it the malignant, classic, covert, overt, somatic, cereal, vulnerable. Narcissistic abuse is a hiddious form of mental, often hidden abuse, so people don’t even know what’s happening to them, and with some, there is not only psychological violence, also physical abuse. Without us even knowing it, we become trapped living spiritual warfare. Death by psychological abuse. Any scars we carry they will rip wide open, any goals or dreams we have they will crush. They often begin as your hero, and your dreams come true, to end up becoming your biggest enemy and worst nightmare.
Everything they do is to meet the needs of their own, and they are a leech, a parasite, a virus that infects your whole life. To me, most live by the seven deadly sins.
- Pride, excessive belief in themselves.
- Envy, and jealousy of all others.
- Gluttony, to have more than they need.
- Lust, always craving for more.
- Anger, they can not accept love and always resort to anger in the end.
- Greed, material possessions most often other peoples, not always.
- Sloth, most are rather lazy and do the bare minimum to meet their never-ending wants and needs.
The narcissistic personality disorder is a disorder, and they do need to have at least five traits to have the disorder, these are.
1. Has a grandiose sense of self-importance. Exaggerating achievements and talents.
2. Preoccupied with ultimate success. Lives in a fantasy world of power, control, dominance, brilliance.
3. Superiority. Believing they are special and above all others.
4. Entitled. Feels entitled to have all their own needs met, demanding, manipulative and controlling.
5. Excessive admiration. A constant need for excessive admiration.
6. Exploits others. Takes advantage and manipulates others to get their own needs met.
7. Lack of empathy. Can not truly connect with how others are feeling.
8. Envious and jealous. Hate people who have something they want, also believing others are envious of them.
9. Arrogant. An exaggerated sense of their own abilities and behaviours.
The most significant things to look out for is a lack of genuine empathy, exploit others, and entitlement,
As they manipulate others from their love bombing, devaluation, discard and then the hoover, with pity plays, silent treatments, gaslighting, projection, threats, making us feel insecure and crazy. It takes time for good-hearted people, who care and are kind to others to see what’s genuinely happening due to the narcissists cruel and sometimes calculated games, by then we have to recover from not only the reality of the abuse that genuinely happened, also trauma bonding, anxiety, CPTSD, financial ruin and mental/ physical illnesses.
Seven ways they negatively infect our lives.
- They invade all your relationship, they not only swoop in and sweep you off your feet, but they also do the same with all you’re friends and family, they are happy to go out with friends and family events at the start of the relationship, then slowly any outings or special occasions are ruined. Often leaving you in depths of despair And looking unhinged. They pick your friends and family off one by one, isolating you from support, and with some, they will shift your friends and family loyalty away from you, and onto them, they are a virus that infects your relationship with others, through triangulate, making you look crazy, or merely getting you to walk on eggshells conform to their demands and fear going out.
- They invade your social media and inboxes, In the beginning, it’s full of loving sentimental messages, on our social media or personal messages, they slowly creep in the devaluation, usually social media to further their games, then they might gradually stop leaving those sentimental remarks, and then out of nowhere where comes that complete silence, then out of the blue they are back, playing nice, posting again, while blaming you for being insecure if you ask them, while you can not catch your own thoughts, often taking on theirs and believing somehow you are at fault, trying hard to make it up to them, they will then play nice again, love bomb you again, so with their negative, hurtful words, then re idolisation, we end up genuinely believing it was our fault. Then come the threats, the criticism, the put-downs, as they cycle around their social media games, all to keep us more confused.
- They take any and all your resources, some without a care, with pity plays, threats, blame-shifting, making you feel guilty, or sinking your mental health, so you become dependent on them. Most move into your home, don’t pay the bills, eat your food. To them, it’s simply what’s yours is theirs, and what’s theirs is their own. They spend your money, try to take your home, some will vandalise your property, again blaming you. Some will try to get you to sell up and move you miles away, leaving you isolated. A lot will walk out and leave you with nothing, feeling empty on the inside as well as the outside, slowly manipulating everything you once had away from you.
- They are viruses and infect your heart, mind and soul, not only are they a leech in your home, they’re also a leach draining you through manipulation slowly over time, from songs they play you, to words they say to you, so you no longer know who you are, from the love bombing and always being at your side in the start, to the sudden disappearing acts, leaving you wondering what you did wrong, planting seeds of self-doubt in your mind not only with their actions also their gaslighting words. From “you’re too sensitive.” And “That never happened.” Too ” You’ll never find someone like me.” And ” Who’d want you, you’re crazy.” Your subconscious is slowly programmed over time to grow those seeds of self-doubt into your own thoughts. You are slowly losing your self-worth.
- They take over your emotional health, like a virus slowly taking over and swooping in for the kill, the love-bombing where they get all the positive attention and emotions from you, joy, happiness, you want to please and love them any way you can. Your praise to them and about them, to devaluation where they’ll happily make you cry, they’ll sit and watch you cry, or walk out on you, and then they’ll blame it all on you, leaving you hurt and confused. Even the discard is done each and every time with no closure leaving you hurt and confused, the hoover when they come to ’rescue’ you. Then when you finally wake up and see them for all that they are, they use any and all your weaknesses against you, cutting you wide open for more emotional torture.
- Your hopes and dreams. At the start they pretend to love all that you do, false promises to fulfil all those dreams with your soul mate, then during devaluation, they slowly take all your dreams, hobbies, passions and hopes away from you. After discard, most of us are left with nothing, an empty shell of our former self, full of fear and anxiety to get up and go again.
- Your trust, the extent of the manipulation and lies they do to you, you lose your self-trust and your trust in others. Questioning and over analysing everything, and others motive towards you, including your own motives. In a state of hypervigilance throughout the devaluation and after the discard with all the games, they throw your way.
You can, and you will recover from this.
- Safely get away from the narcissist, removing the source of the pain and confusion from your life. No contact or grey rock.
- Set up your boundaries, block them and any flying monkeys. Learn a million ways to say no and stick to your no.
- Learn about narcissist personality disorder, put your reality back together, forgive yourself for things you didn’t know. Any reactions you gave, learn to tune into your instincts that your mind and heart chose to ignore.
- Start filling your human needs for love and connection. Certainly, significance. Growth, uncertainty contribution. By learning new things, making new friends, connecting with those who understand you, this will help overcome the trauma bond. Fixing any trauma you had as a child, working on you.
- Finding your focus and creating new dreams for you. Starting new hobbies, or taking up old ones.
- Practice observing and not absorbing their toxins, and those around you, listen to people’s actions, not only their words.
- Be patient and kind on yourself. Most of us slip up on the road to recovery, keep taking those baby steps until you make it.
- Smile at all others, don’t fear reactions, you never know who’s a day you might brighten, a simple smile can infect the world.
- Develop your mindset, teach your brain, consciously throw out those negative thoughts and find the positive each and every day, learn know things and give yourself new knowledge and wisdom, new skills, when it gets hard to keep going, think creative, think constructive, think big, dream big, then take those small steps to learn and go for it. Work on your mindset work on your knowledge, use your brain the right way to benefit you.
- Pay others compliments, how do you feel when you receive a compliment? Give compliments out to those you know and those you don’t, lift others spirits with a simple compliment. When others compliment you, you automatically like them more. It feels good receiving praise, and it also feels good giving them. Giving out genuine compliments helps you develop your own people skills, leading to more confidence within yourself. Only sincere compliments, and if it’s easier to start, do it within your mind, until you read to compliment someone verbally.
- Your sense of humour, whatever that is to you; laughter truly helps lift your mood.
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