Overcoming Narcissistic Abuse, by Elizabeth Shaw – Life Coach.
Overcoming any anger and resentment.
You feel angry when someone provokes you in some way, this can often lead to resentment, you have no control over someone else provoking your anger, and most narcissists are great at provoking anger and resentment in others, they know your strengths, they know your weaknesses, they know your insecurities and most will stop at nothing to use each and every one against you. The narcissist will find your most significant wound and rip them wide open, to provoke that anger within you, to get reactions from you, so they can then blame it all on you. We all have things that can make us angry, and it’s a normal human response to certain situations, how we handle that anger, is how we claim control back of our thoughts, our feelings, and our lives.
How do you handle that anger? Do you start an argument? Seek revenge? Do you react to it?
When you react, it gives you a moments release, yet this is often only ever temporary, and then you end up feeling bad for reacting and blame yourself.
When you argue with a narcissist, they will twist the story, take you off-topic and often leave you with nothing resolved and full of self-blame and self-doubt.
When we seek revenge against others, we are the ones left feeling bad; the best attack is healing and moving on with our lives finding our happiness and leaving them in the past with all their negativity.
You can not help them; some people don’t want to be supported no matter how much they ask, some people don’t want to change no matter how many times they say they will, some people will always be stuck on that pattern of repeat, you are not that person.
You can not change them. It’s a tough enough job changing ourselves; only they can change if they ever wish to do so.
When someone tries to provoke you, always remember, retreat, rethink and only respond if you need to do so.
So now you may have learned not to react or to seek revenge when they pull a new stunt, that causes you to feel angry, you can not control what they do, you can control how long you hold onto that anger and how you let it affect you.
You go through three emotional feelings when people provoke you in any way, first is the anger when they provoke you. Then comes the rage when you want to react, then if you react comes to the resentment as you feel bad for how you reacted or held onto that anger.
When you understand they have a disorder, narcissistic personality disorder, you start to take a step back and reevaluate your perspective on it, they don’t have the emotional intelligence to think or feel like others do, they live in constant fear, and fear holds them back, that others will view them for who they indeed are, they act out to make you fear them, and with that fear they keep control over you, they do not have the capacity to put themselves in other shoes, they are quite foolish as they can not find their inner happiness, and have to destroy others, when you realise this then you will start to pity them, you’ll want them nowhere near you. But most get to a point you feel sorry for them.
The A teams great MR T “I pity the fool.”
A Definition of “Pity” Merrian-Webster defines pity as “sympathetic sorrow for one suffering, distressed, or unhappy.”
When you pity someone, you lose the anger, you no longer feel the need to react, and you no longer hold the resentment.
You can not control what someone says to you or does to you, but you can always take control of your reactions, it takes work at first, but it becomes easier, and you can hit that point if you have a wish and have the drive to do so.
How to not react? Remember, it will never hurt the other person as much as it hurts you.
How to lose the resentment? Keeping the thought in your mind that, when you keep hold of all that resentment, you’re allowing someone to live in your mind without paying any rent. Use pattern interrupt and shift them straight back out of your headspace.
There is nothing wrong with anger, and it’s a human reaction when you’re provoked, served to actually protect you, when you react. However, you often feel guilt, shame or resentment for how you reacted, which last a lot longer than that temporary relief from reactions. Narcissists live with that inner shame on a daily basis, why they must project onto others, gain the reaction, blame others for reacting thus removing the guilt from themselves, yet it’s only a temporary fix.
Living with those negative emotions daily delivers us a negative life, we can learn to shift that, live to find the things to be grateful for, live for joy and live a much happier life.
Don’t feel guilty when you feel angry, just process that anger the right way.
They can not fix who they are, and you can not fix who they are. You can, however, fix how you feel, for a far happier more full filling life.
It all takes time, it takes work, and it takes effort if you keep going with a mindset of where you want to be you will get there, have a belief in you.
Always be cautious about the narcissists. Do not ever stop living how you want because of them, but if you fail to prepare, then prepare to fail, so always keep your awareness up and stay safe, most will not act out, but you do need to be vigilant around those with no empathy.
Remember as soon as you start to feel that anger rise within you, stop and find something to be grateful for, to be happy about, sometimes that makes you proud, or makes you laugh, or hold your head high tell yourself. ”I’m not feeling that way.” and smile, it’s hard to feel anger when we all looking at things that make us smile, or think of something you want to create in your future, it’s hard to feel resentment from the past when we are looking forward to a happier future.
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Don’t argue with a narcissist.