Overcoming Narcissistic Abuse By. Elizabeth Shaw – Life Coach.
Being around narcissistic people in your life, be it your parents, friends, work colleagues, or partner, being around negative toxic people is incredibly draining, you lose so much, from who you are, you’re possessions, your physical health to your mental health. The effects these once charming people have on you is devastating and makes it incredibly hard to just go about your day to day life.
The best success on recovery is focusing on you, creating who you want to be, learning to love and accept yourself for who you are, growing daily, learning daily, removing self-doubt, anxiety and fear of judgment from others, and it all starts with the power of your own mind.
What you think about you bring about, no this doesn’t mean you thought you’d get abused so you caused it to happen to you, no one causes this and no one deserves to be treated this way, what I mean by this is for you to develop who you are now, when you’re in the mindset of why is this happening to me, you look for the things that are happening to you and react, when you’re in the mindset of woe is me, you feel sorry for yourself and take your own power away, the way you stand, the way you dress, the way you talk to yourself, if done in a negative way had a massive impact on your life. You know this to be true as you’ve been around a narcissistic person that’s put you down, holding you back, gaslighted you into worry, fear, dread and full of all those negative emotions, their cruel twisted words have a massive impact on your life, and you have to change that pattern for you to create a much happier, more confident you.
When you’re telling yourself you can not your mind starts to believe it and you don’t, when you’re full of pain, hurt anger, fear of judgment it stops you living in joy, happiness, freedoms to be who you want to be.
There is no wrong way or right way to live your life. With good intentions there is only your way, live it to be true to you and who you want to be.
It can be incredibly hard cutting toxic people out of your life as you don’t want to hurt others you want to help, you don’t want to feel bad, you want to care, but to be the best possible version of you, so you can give the best possible version of you, to good people, you have to let those toxic people go.
When you become happier within, you walk differently, talk differently, smile more and you attract good, happy people that you can then give the best version of yourself to, you might well also attract narcissistic people, but as you are being true to you, you’ll stop people-pleasing and say no, this is a massive deal breaker as no one can throw a tantrum quite like a narcissist not getting their own way.
Controlling your own mind again, and also being able to shift how you’re thinking, helps massively especially when you have narcissistic people throwing everything they can at you.
I know you might think how, I’ve lived the games I’m still living them, I’m not saying the games will not affect you, they make you cry, they make you angry, you can not believe the unbelievability of some of the stunts they pull to get at you, and when they get at you, they’ve achieved exactly what they wanted.
Even a couple of days ago, I was brought to tears about and outside situation out of my control, with another game the ex narcissist is now playing, the key is not to dwell, you can not change what they do, you can not change how they act, you can change the meaning it has in your mind, if you can not change the meaning, you can change your focus. You can release those emotions and carry on with you day, free of the narcissist.
It’s not easy to start, like learning any new skill it takes time and practice, even when you’ve got it, you might have a moment.
Your own thoughts are your key to your power and success.
So what do I mean by this?
Beliefs, your beliefs are one thing that can hold you back, keep you trapped, feel like you’re stuck.
Most often we don’t make conscious choices to what we think about, instead, these have been programmed into our minds over a period of time from our past, so it’s about recognising them, saying things to ourselves like. “Why is this happening to me? How can they do this to me? I’ll never get free. I’ll never be happy. I can not do this.” Gives your mind to look for all those reasons on the past that bad things have happened, those times people have hurt you, those times you’ve felt or are feeling pain, those times you failed. We are human and life is hard, sometimes bad things happen regardless of what a good person we are. Hurt people hurt people, no matter how good you’ve been to them, we all have unhappy moments and we all fail.
All this negative self-talk is no good for us and it keeps us in those negative emotional thought process, trapped within our own minds, always looking for the bad, always feeling incredible pain, and this is no way to live, we have the powers within our own incredible minds to change our story.
Now I’m not saying change our story as narcissistic people change theirs, I’m not saying lie to ourselves, I’m saying recognising the emotions, recognising the situations, don’t make them worse than what they are. And I know all too well just how difficult narcissistic people can make your life, recognising the situation for what it is. dealing with them as and when they happen, then shifting our mind and our focus. Do focus on the worst that could happen, or something negative that could happen next week. Next month. Focus on the best possible outcome you can get for you. Know why you want that outcome, focus on that outcome and you will find a way at some points for it to work for you.
Blocking things out will not help, those emotions are real, the more you cover them up, the more you build them up, the more unhappy you become, the harder it becomes to dig your way out, just like the narcissist did to you through all their toxic words, they might have played nice for a week, a month, six months, yet because we didn’t recognise how their carefully chosen words affected us, it slowly sank us .
Those negatives words from others when we absorb them, or from ourselves, has a major effect on our day to day lives, we slowly sink into a pattern of depression and anxiety, CPTSD, all things we have to work on also to more forwards. You do have the power to overcome this if you want to.
Choose to work on your mind and stop letting those negative thoughts hold you back, stop limiting yourself, break free from the narcissist and their toxic words also, just because they speak you have the power to not take those words into your mind and keep them locked in there. You have the choice to see how unbelievable and wrong they are about you. Now you don’t have a choice whilst living it, you do, however, have a choice when you have the knowledge of what they do. You also now have a choice to think how you want to think, when hard times happen in life it will affect our emotions, that’s part of life, we can choose how we deal with these emotions and how long we will let things bring us down before we tell ourselves “no that’s not how I want to think, feel or live.” Then we make a choice to change something and that choice can change everything. We have the choice when we get knocked down or of the track to get up and go again, get ourselves back on track.
You need to work on your own thoughts, and start making those thoughts work for you. No longer live in fear or self-doubt and start living in joy happiness and confidence.
Start with little things you can change for you. To give you the evidence you can do it, then work up to the big things. If you’re struggling to get out of bed. Set your alarm, tell yourself you can and you will. have a focus of what you’re going to get up for, going for a walk to get some fresh air and feed your mind and body, or start getting up to read a good book. To have a cup of coffee, changing your routines or creating new routines, creating new patterns for you.
You have to make a conscious choice that you can and you will do it. Look for what you’ve achieved in the past to show yourself you can.
When the narcissist throws one of their hideous games your way. Recognise the emotions and let yourself know. “I can not control what they do, I can control how it makes me feel.” Cry it out if needed, scream it out. If you can dump it out of your mind with good positive people who’ve lived it. Get the support help and guidance you need. The more you connect with others that understand how you feel. The more you’ll recognise you’re not alone in how you feel, the more you connect with those who have overcome it. The more you’ll see it’s possible for you.
Ask yourself “can I solve it.” If not leave it. It’s not worth worrying about something you can not solve. Refocus your mind into the present. It’s happened, it’s now in the past, deal with the emotions, release them and move on. If it’s something that might affect your future, focus on the outcome you want in the future, keep that focus, even if you don’t know a way forward now to get that outside if you focus on it you will achieve it. Look at those things you’ve wanted to happen for good in the past that you created, you found away.
If you can not do anything about it at the moment, take your mind onto something you are passionate about, something that makes you smile, it’s hard to cry when you’re smiling, or find something that makes you laugh, what makes you happy?
Use your conscious thoughts daily to focus on good things you want to bring into your life, know why you want them and keep trying different methods until you achieve them. Even if to kick start your main focus is. ” the best revenge is success.”
As you move into a new much happier you, find a new Why? Whenever you stall to find a new way. Whenever you fail. All people fail at times, that ok just get up and go again and find a new approach.
Yes outside events hurt and that’s normal, you don’t have to accept the effects it has on the rest of your life. You now get to choose for you. Choose self-love, self-happiness. Choose living the best life you can for you, believe in yourself, repeatedly tell yourself you do deserve better, surround yourself with positive people who are on the same journey as you, do you can raise each other up in those low moments, give each other good advice and support, give each other ideas, and be pleased for each other and recognise when you do well, even if that starts with online friends.
You can and you will.