Overcoming narcissist abuse, by Elizabeth Shaw.
Narcissistic fathers, if you grew up living with a narcissistic father.
Children do attach themselves to their fathers as role models, they look up to them from a young age and they learn from them, how they treat those around them.
You can have the narcissist father, who’s just not interested in you, full of neglect.
Or they take complete control of your life wanting to know everything,
They can be extremely in discipline or have no discipline, then suddenly out of the blue, anger, rage or silent treatment, even though your unsure as to what you did.
They may not have allowed you out, to have friends, or they may not allow them to have friends around, they may have forced you outside, to be a man.
They may have forced you to play sports, just to crush your spirits when your performance didn’t match the narcissist’s desires.
They mays have splashed the cash on you one minute, then dropped you the next.
Triangulated you and played you off against your siblings or your mother.
Children grow up believing that they are not good enough,
You don’t have self-worth, and you don’t feel valuable,
The father can be extremely arrogant, charming, and when out in public, people seem to look up to them, which young sons admire. Yet they will be different in the home,
Friends of yours may have thought your father was truly amazing, but once the left your father’s personality changed.
Yet in the home, they call all others names, gossiping about all others, put others down constantly, then when around those they are so full of charm.
When you hurt yourself as a child, some narcissistic fathers may pretend to care, most however will not.
You may have noticed growing up, how negativity your father spoke of others.
You were dependent on them because you were a child, they seemed powerful because you were powerless, this is normal.
You’ll not know who you truly are, as your father will have walked all over or not even let you create your own boundaries, they’ll have pushed you into who they wanted you to be.
You’ll not have much self-worth and you were never allowed to develop any.
You were either the scapegoat bad child, who was always in the wrong or the golden child who always aimed high to please.
So your either an extension of them, or you don’t exist.
Your father will have used you as an extension of themselves.
Your father may have been extremely competitive with you,
Your father may have gone on and on about the opportunities they never had, and force their passions into you, not allowing you to develop your own.
You may have felt like you could just never measure up. No matter what you did to please your father.
They may give you no structure and no boundaries and just treat you as a best friend, giving you information you don’t understand or need to know at a young age.
Whatever grade you got unless they were the top they weren’t good enough. Or they were simply not interested, some will sabotage you, so you don’t do any better than they did, they were that envious of you, they wanted you to fail, to not achieve and to not do better than them.
You may have just never felt good enough, always feeling empty and second best,
You can grow up with a lot of shame and guilt, you may be insecure, a people pleaser or extremely empathetic.
Some do unfortunately become narcissistic.
You may feel insecure and not good enough, you will either be driven to fight harder or achieve more.
You may naturally just distance yourself from your father as you grow up without knowing why, or you may have needed your father’s company just to think.
To recover, understand narcissism, that you’re not alone, that others have similar story’s, it helps you make sense of your childhood.
Join support groups, to help you relate to others helping yourself recover and also helping others recover.
Create boundaries for yourself and around your narcissistic father if you’re still in contact with him, be assertive.
Appreciate your journey of self-awareness and how well you’re doing.