Overcoming narcissist abuse, by Elizabeth Shaw.
If it’s possible you just need to go no contact and avoid toxic people, unfortunately sometimes this isn’t possible.
Anyone with a narcissist personality disorder, or anyone that’s just extremely negative, jealous, abusive, anyone that’s trying to destroy you,
The first thing to avoid at all cost, is to avoid them, with some narcissistic people, this can be extremely difficult, if they still see the children, or even if you don’t have children, you might need to move away, as some narcissistic people will up their games and throw anything they can at you, especially when they see your moving on with your life, not all narcissistic people will be extreme.
I naively, assumed my ex had moved across the road for a new happy life and wasn’t stalking me, after receiving messages from them about how hot I looked in my yellow shorts, it was time to keep windows and doors locked and curtains closed, if you can not move, and they are trying every trick in their books to get at you, make sure you call the authorities over anything and everything, most are taking more notice these days, get any restraining orders, protection orders, non molestation orders needed, keep windows and doors locked, keep your phone charged up and on you at all times, work out an exit out of your home and a place to go to safety, or a room in your home, where you can barricade yourself in, and wait for authority’s to arrive, hopefully, you’ll never ever need this, but it’s always best to be prepared, if you out, and you are worried about your safety and they appear if possible get into a shop or populated area, call police.
If you are managing it and the narcissists games aren’t too destructive, still know how you will keep yourself safe, if possible get a family member to do child handovers, if not when you see them, you need to be as emotionally distanced from the situation as possible, there is an observer don’t absorb post on here.
When they are hurling abuse towards you, trying to make you feel bad or guilty, do not respond, just remind yourself their opinions are not for you, you know who you are, you know you are a good person, remind yourself that that’s who they are, it’s only their projection speaking, they have the problems, not you.
You can not help a toxic person as they do not see themselves as the problem, they are just crying out for love in an extremely twisted way, and no one can give them what they need, as what they need is to understand and heal their own issues which only they can do, yet they are unwilling to do so, so project that’s it’s everyone else’s fault, them project onto others and seek revenge.
Rather than admitting they are, disturbed, unhappy, in fear, rather than saying I need help, they rather go on the attack to protect their inner selves.
It’s hard but you need to release the hard judgment you’ve got of them, and rightfully so as they will have caused you no end of pain and grief, yet when you can look at a toxic person that’s crying out for help and love, you can distance yourself more into not reacting,
I do feel sorry for my ex, yet I know I can not help them, therefore I have to protect myself and protect my children, I tried helping, I tried no reaction, I tried kindness, nothing is ever good enough for these people, so you just have to keep yourself safe.
Extremely difficult to do, but when they drop the children off and they are attacking you with word salad, if you don’t react, remain calm and remain polite, they don’t understand.
No contact is the best, if you can not, no reaction.
A narcissistic personality disorder is on a spectrum, so some you don’t have to cut out completely, some you can just remove your emotional attachment, some are to the extreme and you do need to protect yourself at all cost.