Overcoming Narcissistic Abuse, By Elizabeth Shaw – Life Coach.
A cheating narcissist.
We all know narcissistic people, lie, cheat and manipulate, everyone and everything throughout their lives, this is about cheating on their partners.
The narcissist needs attention from all those around them. They do care for positive or negative so long as they are getting attention.
A narcissist is only interested in what benefits them and what they can gain. With the lack of empathy, they don’t care about those around them. They are always looking for a better deal.
If they come to you through cheating, they will most likely leave you by cheating.
As far as I knew my ex was single, when we met, their ex and parent of the narcissists older child was with living with someone new and had another child, so I knew they were over years ago.
Yet I do wonder now after the one they cheated on me with, came to me after they spilt and told me that the narcissist made out to them they were indeed in a relationship when they met me, even buying a flat with someone else, that I’d trapped them by falling pregnant so they had to stay with me. I kindly explained we’d got together in the September 2011, they moved in shortly afterwards ( which they’d moved in with my replacement within a week of leaving me.), so they knew how fast the narcissist liked to move in, nobody falls in love faster than a narcissist who needs someone to live, I also explained if she’d like to check my Facebook, I’d met the narcissist in 2011 our firstborn was planned arrived April 2013, so that’s just a 17-month pregnancy. Looking back, yes the narcissist most likely cheated on someone to get together with me, not because I was any better, just because I had something the narcissist wanted, I can only believe now from looking at the history of the narcissist I was with and what the narcissist is doing now, that would be a roof over their heads.
If someone tells you they’ve cheated in the past, listen and look closely to the story they tell you. Then run and never look back.
Empathetic people may have tried cheating once, especially if not getting affection from being in a narcissistic relationship, but they will hate themselves for it. People with empathy will regret it, learn from it and not do it again. Narcissist people if you listen are almost proud of it and have done so multiple times. They seem to brag about it, especially somatic narcissists.
You will never be enough for them, no matter what you do, it’ll never be enough, they are always looking for more. You give give give, while they take and it’s still never enough.
A lot will say to you. “I’d never cheat on you. I’d leave before I cheated.” Or “I’ve lived and done that now I’m ready to settle down.” Yet they’ve left several other families and children behind them. Blaming the crazy exes for doing so.
Some say the narcissist side of the bed smells, bedding needs washing quicker, is a sign they are indeed cheating on you.
Another sign, Your instinct, it’s trying to tell you something, nope nothing to do with your past, as the narcissist will say. “You’re just insecure.” If you ask them, listen to your instinct.
Some narcissist just enjoys getting away with sneaking around behind others backs, as they think, they make the rules and enjoy breaking ones they don’t believe in. They live for the thrill-seeking adventure.
If they can, most narcissists will try and cheat on you, with a sibling, best friend or neighbour, just to twist the knife. One of my lovely amazing friends, who is a star, spoke to me one evening somewhat concerned as my narc, we were together at the time, had been messaging her, she didn’t want to tell me as she didn’t want to ruin the friendship or the relationship, they strengthened that friendship no end, anyone who can tell you that and not just go sleep with them is a friend for life, I love that friend so much, for who they are, yet even more so for their openness and honesty on a difficult situation they’d been unwilling put in, by the narcissist.
They’re not always huge flirts but, some are flirty. Some people do just have a flirty personality, but they do not cheat.
If your instinct jumps out and you ask them about their flirting. Empaths would apologise sincerely for coming across that way, try not to upset you again. A narcissist would say things like. “You’re insecure.” “You’re crazy.”
Some cheat because deep down, they actually fear so much of being alone is so huge they need to be wanted. So they need a backup plan. Yet they have no regard to how their cheating affects you. A narcissist is deep down extremely insecure, but would never admit this.
So are they born this way? Where they were abused as a child, or neglected or feel like they were neglected as a child, even heavily bullied at school, so the narcissist as a child turned to fight mode and never recovered from it. You can not help them. Most may not even remember or know why they are how they are. They may have been abandoned as a child and never worked through it, or they might have had two separated parents, fighting over them and spoiling them, continually being forced to chose between each parent, they may have a narcissistic parent. Or they may have turned to drugs that sent them this way. There isn’t any proven way yet as to why they turn out the way they do, only speculation. Some children can be spoilt or ignored and turn out with great empathy, so use cannabis for medical reasons and are doing just fine, not running around destroying lives.
So do they cheat simply because they desire to be needed and wanted? Their need for attention. Most likely.
More reason why they cheat.
Jealousy, as narcissistic people project their true selves onto others, they may seem jealous of you around the opposite sex. They might tell you. “I don’t like that person.” They may even accuse you of cheating on them.
Not all liars are cheaters, yet all cheaters are liars. Narcissist as you probably know all to well can look you straight in the eyes and without blinking straight-up lie to you. They tell some of the most outrageous story’s, and they are so convincing with their lies. Possibly because they believe their own lies as reality, in the beginning, you’ll not know, as you get to know them you may question, when you really know them, you can spot a lie a mile away.
A lot of cheaters have the narcissistic personality disorder, NOT all and a rare few narcissists don’t cheat. Most do.
Some enjoy breaking up marriages, purely because they are jealous, so if you meet someone who previously had a lot of married people, big red flag.
Thrill-seekers, not all thrill-seekers, but some like to cheat for the thrill of it.
If they told you. “I’ll never cheat on you.”
I cheated on my Ex because of XYZ, and I cheated on that one because of ABC, oh and that one because I just got no affection.” You’re listening to a liar. Who will cheat on you?
Another sign they are cheating is, their phone is so locked up, even the FBI can not get into it.
You get blocked often on Facebook.
It doesn’t matter if they said to you, they’re over anyway with the person they are currently with if they’ve not separated it’s not over. Yes a lot fall for their charm, or victim story’s unfortunately, we are allowed to make a mistake, admit mistakes, learn from them and move on, something narcissist seem incapable of, they much prefer, to hit the repeat button, we can all hit that repeat button, but at some point most empaths reality kicks in and they stop heating repeat no matter how hard it can be.
Narcissist have a lack of morals, they have a lack of respect for those around them and property, happy to litter, happy to break rules and boundaries etc., so to them cheating is fine so long as the narcissist is happy.
Watch closely how they treat their parents, no respect For others, means they have no respect.
If they treat them with respect, they are more likely to treat you with respect.
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