Overcoming Narcissistic Abuse, by Elizabeth Shaw – Life Coach.
According to Dan Gilbert of Harvard who wrote “stumbling on happiness,” you are in default mode.
Half of the time you are in default mode, after a narcissist they might be in your head all of the time.
According to science, you have a default mode and a direct mode.
The default mode is when you’re on autopilot, going about your day to day business, doing what needs to be done, thoughts popping into you’re head taking you all over.
The direct mode is when you consciously think about something on purpose, make yourself get up and do something.
Doing a mindset reset is a process, because of those limiting beliefs and negative thought that you have on default mode. They have been coded into your brain over a long period of time, which you repeat. Just because someone in your past trained you to think this way, or they did so many bad things to you, you’ve now trained your mind to assume and predict the worst.
If you allow your default mindset to continue thinking. Why me? What else could go wrong? I’m not happy? I can not do this? I’m a loser? I’m not worthy? I’ll never be good enough? No one will love me? Does no one care about me? I’m a failure? The problem is these thoughts have gone into your default mode and they shouldn’t be there. They are unesaserry, thoughts, that hold you back. You can change this default mode of negative thoughts into positive ones.
Bad things will happen, that’s life, life can be cruel and it can be hard, I’m not denying that you’ve experienced that. It’s a fact of life.
We do need a default mode, for certain thing we go about doing in our day to day lives. So we don’t have to think about the simple tasks, so we can just get on with them.
You know all too well, you need to make changes in your life. You want to make changes in your life, but then when you start to think about change. You stop and start worrying about all the things that could possibly go wrong and go back to default mode. So ask yourself now. How well is default mode working for me right now? Are things getting any better right now? So you can carry on how you are and change nothing, or you can change how you think and you can change everything. You’ve just got to work at it and believe in yourself. When you change how you think. You will make great changes in your life.
Like when you learn to ride a bike, it takes time to learn to balance pedal and drive yourself forward. Until you just do it.
Learning to swim, thinking about the movements, the strokes. Going through that water and learning that technique, takes time until one day, you just do it.
If you naturally kick a ball with your right foot, you go into autopilot to do so.
If your a natural right-handed you automatically write with your right hand on autopilot.
Yet you can make yourself kick that ball with your left foot,
You can make yourself pick up that pen with your left hand and begin to write.
You have to deliberately direct your thoughts to kick that ball with the other foot, to lift that pen with the hand you don’t usually, then practice, practice, practice, you will feel uncomfortable and it will feel unnatural, you will miss kick, it will not be as powerful as your usual foot, your writing will be sloppy, it will be messy and it will be hard to read.
It’s exactly the same as making yourself think about things in a more positive way. It will feel strange and uncomfortable at times, it will feel unnatural. You need to think optimistic, you need to support your own thoughts, you need to think positive, you need to think it is possible, then you need to work on it.
It’s going to be a process that takes time, you will have setbacks along the way when you don’t see great change, but you must keep going. Keep changing, keep learning and keep growing.
So you can choose to either carry on with your default, or you can deliberately choose what you want to think about.
Being a deliberate thinker is a skill, just like learning to swim, learning to ride a bike, kicking that ball, with the foot you don’t use, learning to write with the hand you don’t usually write with, it’s a skill and you have to practice and keep on practising until you master it.
You can do it, the autopilot is great on the right things, it is horrible on the wrong thoughts.
When you change how you think, you will change your life, for the better.
Whatever it is that’s stopping you right now. Whatever is your limiting beliefs you need to write them all down now.
However, that person made you feel.
Any of those setbacks you’ve had.
I’m not good enough?
I can not trust anyone?
It’s just too hard?
My hearts had enough?
I don’t know how to start rebuilding my life?
Whatever they are, whatever got programmed into your default mode, you need to see them all write them all down.
Now you need to ask yourself, what have these beliefs cost me in my past? then write that down. What are they costing me today? Then write those down. If I don’t change what are they going to cost me over the coming days, weeks months and years? Write them all down.
Now you know how that default mindset is affecting your day to day, you need to do a reset of your mindset. Every-time old limiting beliefs come to your mind, catch that negative default mindset thought, take control back of your mind, then deliberately, direct a good thought into your mind. you need to do a mindset reset. Take back control of your own mind and your own life.
You no longer have to live your life how your default mindset has been trained to do so, your free to change that and live your life how you want to.
No more “ no one will ever love me.”
Now it’s “the right people will always love me.”
No more “I don’t even know where to start.”
Now it’s “I’m going to take small daily steps each and every day, slowly but surely turning my life around.”
No more “I’m not good enough.”
Now it’s “I’m good enough for me and the right people will understand me.”
No more. “I don’t trust anyone.”
Now it’s. “I trust my instinct.”
“The significant problems we face can not be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.” – Albert Einstein
Keep trying new things, keep going, you’ve got this.
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