Following onto the radical acceptance post, here’s one of mine, that I truly didn’t want to accept, first because of the part I’d played by not speaking up more or sooner, not speaking up loud enough, it is soul destroying. You have to admit you make mistakes, through fear of reactions you do what you have to do.
The narcissist and animals,
The narcissist uses pets just like they use people, it’s there to please them. They might show extreme love to animals, yet this is just on the outside, a pet is just another extension of themselves.
When you have a pet it’s just something else the narcissist can use to cause arguments, “feed the cat.” Or “ walk the dog.” They expect others to take care of the animal, even though they wanted it.
Sometimes the narcissist can come across as treating pets better than people, well of the pet is conforming, then yes they will, just like the golden child, the golden animal will be treated well. Yet if the pet doesn’t conform. Or shows them up. The pet the scapegoat will be abused.
One day they’ll love their pet and treat it so well the next they’ll not. They just want the control and attention from them.
my elder children had two pet hamsters when we met, In the golden period, the narcissist was ok with this, after some time together the narcissist admitted they didn’t like them, fair enough freedom of choice, when I went out one day I came back to a dead hamster, a few days later the other died. At the time I did question myself, as the narcissist with words of. “You cleaned them out too often.” And “ they probably couldn’t cope with not changing the water for 12 hrs overnight.” Whilst wrestling with my thoughts of they were you but these things happen.
Then we got a lovely blue staffer puppy, who was beautiful, yes a puppy who chewed everything as they do, of course when we got the dog that the narcissist so desperately wanted, with work commitments and being pregnant, we’d agreed the narcissist would walk the puppy, although, I did purely because I enjoyed it, we did get the puppy a create, being a puppy, when left it wouldn’t chew its toys, it would go through, skirting boards and tables etc. As the puppy grew and grew, she got far too strong for me to handles, she was taking me for the walk, the narcissist slowly but surely stopped walking her, because the kids should take a turn, it was getting to the point when she was around one year old, that she walked the narcissist, there was no way the children could cope with her, one football game, the dog took control of the narcissist, the narcissist actually kicked her, in front of others. I spoke out, to get told. “ what do you know, you don’t feed, walk or look after her. “
The poor dog got kicked a few more times, she’d cower when the narcissist was around, if the narcissist was shouting, she once showed her teeth to him, which got her kicked onto the garden.
When we split up for a brief time. The narcissist didn’t want the dog, the narcissist left the dog, I explained that I was going to get her a new home, as I knew I couldn’t care for her properly she needed more than I could offer. the narcissist was not happy, yet still didn’t want her. I didn’t understand they were a narcissist at this point, I was left with a stunning dog, that needed more love and time, she needed a bigger garden to run around, she needed walks, I wasn’t strong enough to walk her, she needed more care, so I took her to a rescue centre, in my head, I was dreaming of her on a big farm, loved and free, unfortunately on arrival the staff took one look, said she was an illegal breed, and called the police, they took her away, which was even more soul destroying, then a few days later, the called to say she was, in fact, an illegal breed, I could go to court and fight for her, or she’d be put down, I couldn’t give her the home she needed, therefore I had to let her go.
Of course the narcissist who wouldn’t walk her, wouldn’t take her, and got delighted out of kicking her, blamed me, for being cruel and heartless, like I wasn’t heartbroken enough, I’d allowed that dog to suffer at the hands of the narcissist, even excuses of fear, didn’t help me, I just have to accept that I let her down, then I let her down in the end too. Of course from the narcissist to all friends and family I’d killed their dog, I was jealous and evil and wanted to hurt the narcissist.
Some narcissist will take the animal, just to get at you. Do your best to keep them, if you can take care of them, as the narcissist will abuse it. If you can not, again just find it a good home, do not let the narcissist have it because they will abuse it.
The narcissist still posts a picture on there Facebook over the years, to gain sympathy.
They never did and never will see it from any other way.
Back to the hamsters, when the narcissist left and moved across the road, they lived there for five months, one evening whilst we were, what I thought to be co-parenting, not long before I went no contact, the narcissist told me, how they smoked some cannabis and blew it into the hamsters faces, the hamsters died and the children were gutted. They actually laughed, when I asked: “what’s funny about that.” I was told that. “You’re just oversensitive it’s only a hamster.”
So radical acceptance, whatever it is, after being with a narcissist, theirs a lot about things you did and didn’t do, that you have to overcome for yourself.
If you watch a narcissist with an animal, you’ll get a glimpse of just how cruel they can be.