Overcoming narcissist Abuse, by Elizabeth Shaw.
The narcissist will manipulate all those around them, be it the grand overt ones who are charm, their friends and family into doing things for them. The covert who will guilt trip more than charm, although narcissistic personality disorder is on a spectrum, so most narcissist will use both tactics at some point. They will also have dirt on others and use that as a threat against them, to get their needs met.
If you take a look back over time you might remember a few things, that at the time, didn’t quite add up. Because of the story’s they tell others and how they manipulate people and situations, it’s incredibly hard to see, the narcissist always talks their way out of it, yet when you put the situations altogether, you see how low they will go. This one is my ex narcissist and a few manipulate things I know of with work colleagues.
I don’t have the full story, only glimpse and snippets of info which I’ll detail below.
The one they always borrowed money from, if they weren’t asking me for money and who knows who else they’d ask, from what I understand when I had none to give they’d ask this one particular work colleague, who from what I was lead to believe often lent them money when needed, not sure if the narcissist, manipulated, guilt-tripped or did favours for them, but they often would. Or so say the narcissist they did,
The ones they’d take the mic out of, usually an apprentice, often humiliating them, one was leaving a dead rat in their workbench, one was opening fire extinguishers on someone. From what I was told. Some people do like to just play pranks on each other, that doesn’t make them a narcissist, it’s when you start putting all the manipulative tactics together and see the pattern,
The one who they would sponge a lift of, actually they had around three of these, never really giving anything in return that I knew of, in the beginning, they’d just use my car.
We were not together on these last three examples, but we were what I believed to be friends and coparenting, in reality, the narcissist didn’t have a backup and was on best behaviour to move back in, when that didn’t work as soon as they had the opportunity they could move in with someone new they did.
The one to spread gossip, someone that works at the same firm, their relative lives close by, so when I was informed, the narcissist had told the relative who had told them, that one of the people on the street had been having a two year long affair, that particular family the narcissist was extremely jealous of, “ look at them, having work done on the home, holidays abroad, new cars, they’re either fiddling something, got a hand out or someone’s dead and they got inheritance, that might be the case, to be through the both of them just work hard.
I asked the person who informed me not to mention this to others, as true or not, it can drive wedges and destroy lives.
The one who got the silent treatment, that I know of, possibly one of many. What did this person do? The narcissist asked for them to come over the next day and give them a lift with a tumble dryer, they were busy and said no, they had a partner and a child, the narcissist took offence and stopped speaking to them.
Then there’s the one who got the sack, the narcissist had come to visit the children, although they spent most of it, on the phone, on the loo or watching tv. On the phone I heard a bit of a conversation about bringing Amsterdam style brownies into work the following day, the next day the narcissist called to ask if they could come earlier to see the children, as the firm had been shut down, four people had collapsed and gone to hospital, police were all over the place, then I heard them on the phone again, telling someone, no they just placed them on my toolbox and people helped themselves, they were not mine and I did not hand them out, they spent most of the evening going from one room to the next calling people, they told me that it was the brownies and they’re all gone to hospital but knew what they were eating, they even explained it to their parents, of course, the narcissist only got a written warning, whilst the other got the sack. A few weeks later the narcissist claimed to have been offered a promotion but declined it as they didn’t want to work extra hrs.
Again this is only snippets of story’s I heard, it’s not until afterwards when you start putting all the pieces of the puzzle together, you see almost no one as exempt from their manipulation. As for the truth, well the narcissist will have their side, the other parties there’s and somewhere in the middle is the truth.
This is why it’s vital if you’re still with the narcissist, no matter how small or how coincidental things may seem, write everything down, so you’ve got a book of evidence about the manipulation, keep it where you know the narcissist will not find it. Their is so many lightbulb moments once your out, some you may feel guilt and remorse, you do have to forgive yourself for not seeing the reality as you were being so heavily manipulated by the narcissist and only getting their deluded reality story, forgiveness will help you move forward. Most of us have done things we are not proud of whist with the narcissist.
If you have a narcissist boss and you can handle working for them great just be careful, if you have a narcissistic co-worker, limit your contact around them, narcissist personality disorder is on a spectrum so some you can handle with observe don’t absorb, others you may need to change jobs, be careful of what influences you give to other work colleagues in case the narcissist has flying monkeys.