Overcoming Narcissistic Abuse, by Elizabeth Shaw – Life Coach.
The narcissist will manipulate all those around them, be it the grand overt ones who are full of charm, that charm their friends and family into doing things for them. The covert who will guilt trip more than charm, although narcissistic personality disorder is on a spectrum, so most narcissist will use both tactics at some point. They will also have dirt on others and use that as a threat against them, to get their needs met.
If you take a look back over time you might remember a few things, that at the time, didn’t quite add up. Because of the story’s they tell others and how they manipulate people and situations, it’s incredibly hard to see, the narcissist always talks their way out of it, yet when you put the situations altogether, you see how low they will go. some narcissists, come from a family of a narcissist, I shall put a post on about this soon, This one is my ex-narcissist and a few manipulate things with family. I don’t believe any of my ex-narcissist family were narcissistic, they all seemed normally happy people.
My narcissists parents are lovely amazing people, always been very kind to me, I know some narcissist has at least one narcissistic parent who will team up with their child on the manipulation, with my ex the narcissist would manipulation their parents, to me the story was told, how their dad wasn’t there for them growing up, so they looked up to their uncle, how their mother was always far too busy with their sister who had issues and didn’t like going to school, how their sister who I’d met and was a lovely amazing kind person and actually didn’t like going to school so the story matched up in some ways, the narcissist would say she, was selfish and all about herself, she never came across that way to me. I know a lot of narcissists have their siblings on the side, even if the siblings witness something they will turn a blind eye to protect the narcissist. My ex-narcissist sibling was lovely, I think she knew something wasn’t right with the narcissist.
They would fall out with their parents, often months of silent treatment, to me they said, it’s because they’re not family orientated, don’t see the grandchildren enough, spend to much time on their sisters child and not theirs, yet thinking back, when the narcissist was supposed to have their eldest son, he often stayed with the grandparents, they didn’t speak to their parents, when they moved across the road, who knows what the parents said, no doubt the narcissist felt criticism in some way, who knows what the narcissist said to their new partner, yet again the narcissist would eat humble pie when they needed something and talk to the parents again. Namely, when they split up with the new partner, they needed somewhere to live, and I wouldn’t take them back, One of the things they used to say was “ you know what I’m like.” The Narcissist mother could never speak bad to them, as the narcissist would just cut her off, whilst the narcissist wasn’t speaking to them, they came to visit their grandchildren, even offering to help out, although they did comment how the narcissist. “ would always be there for the children.” If only they knew, yes the narcissist would always use the children then drop them when of no use.
The uncle, aunt and cousin, my how the narcissist would slate these people, they were in debt they were scrubbers, sponges, taking all the wages off their own children. looking at the narcissist now this was their own insecurities passed onto others as the narcissist was jealous of their family, they were close they were happy, yet on the other hand, they’d go on about how good the uncle was to them growing up.
The cousins, the narcissist could ignore for months, then get in touch when they needed something, a lift, help with something one cousin, In particular, the narcissist used the cousin’s fathers death, the narcissist uncle, to form a greater bond, to go binging on drugs, often with the cousins paying for it.
Yet to me they would slate them, saying they can afford it, so they could afford to treat the narcissist, that they deserved it from the cousin after all they’d done for them, they would tell me, that the cousins partner, wouldn’t work was a sponge who bleed the cousins dry, claimed they stole from the Benefit system, that the partner just used the cousin, that they’d had affairs, this was probably lies as the narcissist was just jealous of them.
One of the cousins’ child’s birthday party’s, the so-called family-oriented narcissist, didn’t want to go, no doubt they blamed me to the cousin as to why they didn’t go.
When the narcissist purchased a second-hand shed, who came to put it up and paint it, yes the cousins, the narcissist would always call on others for help, rarely helping others themselves. This shed was £40, originally brought to store their motorcycle, When we split, even though they’d sold the bike and it now stored the children’s toys, I had to pay. £100 to the narcissist to keep it.
At the narcissist nephews 1st birthday, the narcissist went nuts at our two-year-old son, why? Because he was shy, yet none of the narcissist family spoke up to him about their behaviour towards the child, only I did, and it was only. “ I’ll have him, he’s just a bit shy with all these people.” To the narcissist, he wasn’t performing how the narcissist wanted him to. which of course caused the narcissist great criticism to the narcissist, me getting sly digs towards me from them, and me getting the silent treatment, once home.
The narcissist son, well one minute the narcissist would spoil them rotten, buying expensive gifts, they narcissist looked like to doting parent taking them to football, this was often to look the part and use to gain attention from single parents that were around,
Yet the more I knew the narcissist the more I realised often the narcissist would get someone else to take the child, take them to football training, who knows what excuse they used to the child, a lot of the time, they left the child for sleepovers at the grandparents, again probably a different excuse to the child.
The narcissist would slate the child’s other parent to the child, but in subtle ways, once when the child spoke up defending the other parent, the narcissist got angry, the child didn’t defend them again, I wrongly assumed, this was all the hurt the crazy ex-had caused,
Of course, the crazy ex-had cheated, had apparently stopped contact with the child, to which the narcissist had to take them to court, how true this is, or just excuses from the narcissist, only the narcissist and the lovely ex know.
They said how the crazy ex-had locked their child in the bedroom, for days and the neighbours called them, so they went and kicked the door down, probably another reason they did this, but in case the story got out they had to get in first.
The narcissist managed a football team for a couple of years, they responded to criticism from one of the parents to others. Saying “ they need to watch their step, I know people.”
When a child left, this criticism hit the narcissist hard, then when the new team the child played for against the narcissist sons friends, that child got badly injured.
Things went missing from the house and money, and the narcissist blamed their own son to me, which things only went missing when the child had been, who knows what the narcissist said to the son, divide and conquer they achieved, that son went from spending all their time with me to hating me.
When the first thing went missing, they didn’t speak to the child for a week, even though I tried to explain, he’s only 13 it’s hard on him.
One night a week the child never came, yet when I wanted to talk that evening about some messages I’d seen, they brought them up, used their child to avoid any talking.
I would always ask them to let me know when they were coming so I could cook extra tea, of course in the golden period, that happens, afterwards they’d just turn up, then moan at me for not having tea ready, making me feel bad, putting me in a grumpy mood, when the child was with us, who knows what excuse they used with the child.
Two of my children shared a bedroom, one had a room of their own, I got bunk beds and asked the children who wanted to share with who, they sorted it all at, but time and time again, the narcissist would cause an argument on how my, three should all share on room now, whilst theirs should have a room of their own. I did see the narcissist point of view as no they were not siblings, yet as explained countless times, they are all boys, ranging from 12 to 8. They get on, there will be no favouritism if the children wish to switch and change greatly if no.
Once their child at around 12 years of age, didn’t get them a gift or card on a special day, which of course resulted in the child getting silent treatment until they grovelled and apologised to the narcissist.
No matter how sly they are, when you look back you can pick their false story’s apart, and see them for what are and what they truly use people for.
Some family members don’t see it, they rely on them, trust in them, only to be disappointed and never truly knowing why.
Some love them and are confused with how the narcissist treats them.
Some narcissist change addresses with great speed,
Some change jobs rapidly, causing financial and emotional upheaval on the children.
Narcissist simply uses all family members for their own game. They might act like they are a family person, yet when something not going their way or someone’s not conforming to their demands, they’ll cut them off, only to pick them back up, when they are of some use to them again.
The narcissist goes viral on destruction, destroying family’s, some family members including small children, may know there is something very wrong with the narcissist, yet they’ll no know what. They will know they are toxic and keep their emotional distance, Some young children also just know. They’re not good to be around. and as soon as they can, they will spend long periods of time always from the narcissist, even if they don’t know why, or they hide away in their rooms, or dive into books. They may have an adult who they can turn to for love and warmth. The scapegoats
Some family members and children go along with the narcissist and never get to lose that phycological connection. The golden family member, that will stick up for them, cover for their lies, and manipulation.
A narcissist is great actors, that mimic people’s emotions. They don’t feel the same emotions as others.
They suck everything out of people, leaving those behind, with CPTSD.
A narcissist will lie, they will tell half-truths, they exploit people for their own gain.
Narcissist discard, when people are no longer meeting the narcissist needs.
A narcissist has an extremely complicated relationship with their parents, sometimes the parents are narcissistic also, but not all, some may smoother the narcissist and some may abandon the narcissist, others just don’t understand their narcissistic child.
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