Overcoming Narcissistic Abuse, by Elizabeth Shaw – Life Coach.
Narcissists have a way of treating you better than anyone ever has, yet worse than anyone ever has, leaving you even more confused about who they are and what’s happened to you.
Without any reasons, a narcissist can be so quick to go from one minute seemingly treating you so right, then without even the blink of an eye, treating you so badly. They just seem to flick a switch on and off. So fast, you fail to see what’s happening.
They turn on and off, on and off towards you in an instant, good, bad, black, white, never any in between or grey area.
From loving you to hating you to then loving you and straight back to hating you,
A fast shift from happiness to sadness, pleasure to pain.
Treating you so nice, then out of nowhere, just being nasty than when they want something from you back to being nice, then in a flashback to nasty.
One minute they are fine and full of smiles towards you, the next without warning outcomes those evil glares.
Suddenly gone is all the affection, and all your left with is horrible silence, or anger and aggression.
The traumatic shift in the speed of which they change how they are towards you leaves you bewildered and questioning so much about yourself.
One minute you’re chatting away, even laughing, the next to complete silence, which then leaves you asking them.” What’s wrong?” “ Have I done something to upset you?” Which they respond with no response, just more silence, Leaving you questioning, what just happened? What did I do?
You might have complimented them, in front of the children, or friends then when you look, they have that horrible glare towards you, or everyone is chatting nicely, then out of nowhere a subtle yet cruel put down, heads your way from the narcissist. That those around you, don’t even understand.
Or one minute you’re taking nicely, the next out of nowhere, they raise there voice and outcomes a barrage of verbal abuse, leaving you to defend yourself, all while you are left wondering, what just happened?
When you ask them, to get clarity of the situation, and what’s just happened, it just seems to irritate them all the more. You just want to know what’s happening. While they just want to provoke you all the more.
You may have heard them say things like. “ you should know what’s wrong.” Just before they punch a wall, smash a plate, throw their food, slam a door and stomp off with the narcissists incredible sulk.
So why without reason to you? Do they change so incredibly fast?
It’s simply because our view of relationships, communication and reality are so completely different from the narcissists.
They’ve just manipulated you into a false reality, through the idolisation, for you to now live in their false reality of, which is both, nightmare and fairy tale, they dragged you into the false reality that is the narcissists’ world.
What happens to you and around you during a relationship with them, makes no sense to normal empathetic people, yet it makes complete sense to a narcissist, why?
They might suddenly remember something you said two weeks ago that criticised them in some way, and they will have flicked the switch at that time, as they’ve been reminded in some way, they flick it again. Then their rage appears to draw more attention and emotions from you, or they could simply believe you weren’t laughing hard enough at their joke, you didn’t laugh loud enough. Therefore, you failed to provide the positive attention and energy that they required at that moment, and they then take this as a criticism and a challenge. You may have complimented them on one thing, but they forget that, as you didn’t compliment them on what they wanted, you should know what they want, so they again they feel criticised and take it as a challenge,
not that they’ll ever let you know that. You’ll have no clue as to what’s caused them to react that way towards you. They’ll not have a two way conversation to communicate how they feel. No, they’ll just reduce you to tears and gain those emotional reactions that way. Also, to gain more power and more control over you.
Because of their narcissism, they’ll shift and alter, depending on how they feel in that moment and what they take as a criticism, what you did well for them last week, you failed this week.
It’s their self-defence, and they have to do it fast, confuse you, gain emotions from you, feel better about themselves, get control and power over the situation and over you.
You were never the problem, it did not start with you, and it’ll not end with you, you can break free and move into a much happier life.
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