Remember, you’re not alone.
Can you remember where it all started? Most of us got that amazing idolisation stage, that person came along and swept us off our feet, believing we had met the one. It was almost too good to be true, and sadly it was all too good to be true.
I can remember going for a run one day, something I loved to do. An argument occurred, but this was the first. I was still me, so I put my trainers on and set off on that run.
I felt uneasy, and I remember my tummy felt queasy at the thought of going back home. I wanted just to keep running, and yes, I should have done. Yet I’d had a fantastic few months, so that run I couldn’t get the argument out of my head nor could I get it straight. The thinking was it me, or was it them? Yes, couples argue yet I couldn’t work it all out. When I got home, it was back to peace and calm. So I accepted it for a silly argument and moved on.
Shorty after We was expecting our first child together and I was told running was not a good idea. No not by professionals silly me by the narcissist, I never knew at the time what this message was sending, I just thought they were been loving protective and caring.
I got on with their eldest child amazingly well, although the child which I believed from what I was told had an amazing friendship with their parent. Little did I know in the beginning, all wasn’t as it seemed.
That child spent most of their time with me, they started to chat and smile more. I was lead to believe they always had the weight of the world on the shoulders because of the other crazy parent, yes the narcissists’ crazy ex.
They’d split 6 yrs early she’d moved on and had another child with someone. So when I went to pick the child up one day, they said their younger sibling was missing them, I asked if they’d like to invite their parent and sibling along. I remember them looking at me oddly, enough for me to think that was strange but still no clue as to why. The child turned and said “You’re nice” and ran inside to ask. I thought the remark was odd, that’s just what normal people do, their parent should have any grievance with me. Yet they said no and did not come. Off we went for a day of fun.
When we got home, the child told the narcissist what I’d done. That was the silent treatment for a few days it lasted. I didn’t understand what the problem was. Then I was told by my partner how I should be on there side and want nothing to do with the crazy ex after everything they’d put them Through, so now I understood what that silent treatment was all about. I didn’t know when I was with a vampire that sucked everything from me except blood. Through manipulation and tactics, I did not understand, I came round to the narcs’ way of thinking, because of how the child was I didn’t see it as the narcissist to blame I thought they where the innocent one, the crazy ex parent was the one playing the games. Slowly things didn’t add up in my own head, yet the narcissist had answers for everything, twisted around to them been the victim. That idolisation was still around. With words carefully chosen by the narcissist I knew it wasn’t them it was crazy old me. Oh, how wrong I turned out to be.
One eventful day a few months pregnant, I was out with their child. It never occurred at the time how much time they spent with me and not the narcissist. I was just so pleased that their child and I got on. Thanks to the narcissist that were not to last.
The child informed me they were getting a council swap. I thought this was odd as my loving narcissist owned that house so how could they swap.
Later that day when it was just the narcissist and I. I made the mistake of questioning this, that was a big mistake, what started as a conversation got my mind so blown I’d no idea what was going on. Then before I knew it, I was in that kitchen side. My stomach in agony, I went to the loo to see blood there too. I screamed, and my narcissist came running. Yet they were back all nice and calm. The drive to the hospital seemed to take forever as you see I was pregnant with our first child together. All the way there words spinning in my head. I knew they shoved my yet the had me believing that I’d knocked into them as I’d tried to walk past. Yes, it was all my fault for trying to get past. Why did I do that? So by the time we arrived, I was no longer questioning them I was questioning me instead. Luckily the baby was healthy. Our son is also great today as no contact is going a long way.
To the outside world, things may seem obvious, but with words, a narcissist will carefully choose. You truly believe it is you and not them.
If you can break free. Plenty of people to support you that have been through the same. Each situation is different, yet the narcissist tactics are still the same. Others have been through it and are going through it.
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Elizabeth Shaw is not a Doctor or a therapist. She is a mother of five, a blogger, a survivor of narcissistic abuse, and a life coach, She always recommends you get the support you feel comfortable and happy with. Finding the right support for you. Elizabeth has partnered with BetterHelp where you will be matched with a licensed councillor, who specialises in recovery from this kind of abuse. (Sponsored.). https://betterhelp.com/elizabethshaw
Elizabeth Shaw’s Recommended Reading List.