Phrases narcissist use to shift blame onto you and what they actually mean by these.
As narcissistic will not be acceptable for anything and they get a real kick out of manipulation. A narcissist never wants to accept responsibility for their own actions, it’s always someone else’s fault. Someone else made them do it.
My ex narcissist blamed me for them having a baby with someone else ( I gave no reaction to this as I was simply left speechless which looking back been left speechless was a blessing, although I think may have chuckled at one point, as I couldn’t believe what they were thinking and what was actually coming from their mouths, which would have dented their pride and criticised them now I know that’s why they stomped off whilst I simply waved them good riddance) because yes sir I wouldn’t take you back when you came sulking because it didn’t work with my last replacement of course I’ll help you by taking you back now you’ve had another baby while along trying to get back together with me, triangulation nope Im out of it all because they had no wear else to go, and no longer wanted to live with mummy and daddy at the age of 38. they wanted to solve this by getting married and having another baby with me. Yes narcissist that’s going to solve Everything, why didn’t I think of that.
when you have a day old baby you don’t actually want, I had the “I’m worried what I may do if you don’t take me back” and “ can we try counselling” Obviously I said No. So they moved back in with the baby’s other parent a few weeks later. They tell our children that it’s my fault they live their because I wouldn’t take them back. If i would let them they would live with us. got to love a narcissist they are so woe is me when they don’t get what they think they’re entitled to. I say good bye loser hello me. I’ve got my life my own sweet way no matter what you try with the children, well ok sometimes when they play games with the children I haven’t we all know what it’s like but I’m definitely getting their. As are my incredible children.
They love blame shifting to them it’s a win win, nothings ever their fault and you lose more grip on reality. They believe they are entitled to never be at fault and they love the confused reactions from you.
So with a narcissist not too be accountable or willing to take responsibility for even their obvious mistakes to less obvious mistakes they have made they will always blame someone else namely you. They believe they can get an emotional response then walk away Scot free.
With these they hope to make you feel astonished, annoyed, angry, bewildered, they want you to wipe there arse then eat the tissue too. Sick and twisted yes they are and if you’re not willing to do that they want a negative reaction. Laughing at them cuts them deep as laughing at them is disrespectful to who they are and the power they hold.
“ what do you expect me to do about it” a subtle one but still blame shifting. They don’t blame themselves with this and the actually don’t blame you. They just expect you to change or you to do something about it. Don’t ever blame us it’s always your fault and you need to clean up every mess they make. Although they’ll never admit to making the mess in the first place.
They do not believe they are here to pick the pieces up after you, but they expect and demand you do it for them. You have to solve the finance mess they make. Make peace with that friend after one of the narcissist outburst. Clean up the spilt milk of the glass they through, boy did my narcissist love drinking milk by the litres.
“Deal with it” that’s the way it is they’re not going to do anything about it because to them it’s not their fault so if you’ve got a problem then you’ll have to sort it out. They are entitled to everything and you just have to put up with it, it’s to try and upset you they may tell you that “you are useless and you should just get on with it” if they don’t tell you they think it. They think and may tell you that you should ask them for help. Even though they caused the problem as they don’t have time for it.
“ why do you have to spoil everything “ again this is to shift blame onto you, it’s also a good one to make you think and feel you meant to do it even though you didn’t do anything, or did you, no you’re sure you didn’t it was them right. I know it was them but was it. They’re paranoia makes them think that you are out to get them as in their own minds they’ve never done anything wrong.
“ I’ve already told you, if you can not accept that it’s not my problem” when you know they did something but are going to go all ways to avoid accepting blame and make you
Feel bad for having the nerve to question them.
“ I don’t have to explain myself to you” the reality is they caused the problem but they’re not going to be accountable so they’ve nothing to explain as they didn’t do anything.
“ you caused this to happen” if they forget something it’s all your fault for not reminding them, if they are late yes you’ve guessed it, you’ve probably lived it. That’s all your fault too. Because they cheated for the 10 th time this year, that’s all your fault as well. “ if you were more loving, had more sex with me I wouldn’t need to go elsewhere, “ well with normal people yes if you e not had sex with them in six months they might look elsewhere ( not many but some), but if you are loving and in a good sexual relationship you may say “ what do you mean I always look after you” which they’ll simply answer with “ that’s right you deny it all and make me the bad one” They’ll never explain why it’s your fault as that’s beneath them. Only if they are really stuck with no back up plan with they explain, but of course even that’s all twisted around you. “ You need to help me”
“ why do you make my life so hard “ they’re simply thinking it’s not them it’s you and have the woe is me attitude to how you’re treating them. This is usually used towards the end. If you’ve chosen to no longer play part in their provocation and seen the light or you’re just destroyed by them. What they are meaning is why are you making it so hard for us to get a reaction from you, for you to do something for us. They believe you’re failing to provide for their needs, they don’t care they drove you that way. They are alway the victim even the greater, if you’re not taking care of them correctly, in their head they think you should be helping them not hindering them, they also believe because of this they have every right to lash out at you.
They also have a great plan with all these sayings. When they are ready to move on because they’ve broke you they can simply say “ it’s all your fault “