If your ex is a narcissist, toxic person or just an idiot when it comes to the children you have together the same rules apply to help raise happy confident well rounded kids, if no safeguarding issues in place, let your children see and get to know the other parent for themselves. Children can, will and do thrive with one healthy parent. Stopping contact although You may think it’s in the best interest of the children it can create more harm and they grow up with an image of the other parent in the heads which isn’t a true image, they may grow up resenting you for not allowing contact. Then you have an adult that’s not close to either parent. It’s really hard but if it possible it can be done, put the children’s needs first. Then make sure you are a positive happy influence on them that doesn’t slate the other parent. The other parent may think they are getting at you through your children. This will backfire. Your children will always love both parents, they will grow up knowing which was around for them no matter what, who was the kind and loving parent. It really works. It’s not easy most things that are worth doing are not easy but they can be the most rewarding, especially when you realise you raised positive children that surround themselves with positive people and can spot negative people a mile away.
Make the most of your time together with your children . Children can and will thrive with the unconditional love of one stable parent. Eventually, they will grow up and and know the different between a narcissistic personality and other personality’s, surround yourself and your children with as many positive people as you can to counteract the mental abuse
The most likely outcome if you can stay strong is the relationships between the parent with alienating behaviors and Badmouthing eventually backfires. Stay constant, depending on age stick to fact. Do not fight fire with fire. Put it out by blaming no one to your child. Explain it’s no one persons fault. Things happen and people just don’t get on all the time. You’re child we realise this in the own time.
Try to keep your mind busy, try new things with your children and without when they are visiting the other parent. Stay positive stay happy. You’ve got People with narcissistic personality traits or just hard to deal with people don’t like boundaries and they like to be in control.
One of the most important things to set up, for yourself and your children’s sanity is.
Routine so you and your children know exactly where you are and when, this helps develop a healthy mind.
This is an extremely hard thing to do with these kind of people. You will more than likely get a barrage of abuse from them as they feel like they are losing control, nothing is ever the other persons fault. You’ll be told you’re damaging your children, you’re keeping them apart, you’re playing games, you’re strange.
Try to remember when you get these. You are NOT keeping them apart your are keeping your children’s mental health safe.
You are NOT damaging your children. You’re helping them grow into strong healthy adults and surround them with as much love and support as you can.
You’re not playing games. You’re trying to counteract the damage your ex causes with games.
Whatever they send try to turn it into a positive which isn’t easy.
More often than not these people will not turn up on some pre arranged days try to swap things around. Try to regain control.
If they manage a personality transplant and prove they will show up for children when they say, then yes sometimes people are busy and you can make allowances to swap, but if they fail to show up for your children no need to make allowances for someone who will not for the own children.
You may need to swallow your pride and not worry about how they take this next step. If at all possible you need to try and get them to think the routine was there idea. If they send you a list of dates they want to see the children and it fits in with your children’s daily lives. Say yes. Tell them what a brilliant idea that is from them. It’s hard when you know what they are like. But one parent needs to step up for the children. This way you get less backlash from the ex as they believe they got what they wanted and had a great idea. when in reality you got what you and your children needed without any negatively. Yes it’s hard to swallow your own pried when you know exactly what the ex is like, think how beneficial it is not to get the belittling messages from them. You’re children get to see both parents and you have a routine. I know it’s no easy to do, it is worth it.
They key to boundaries and routine is stick to them. That can be very hard when dealing with idiots and you will have your moments of taking a step backwards.
Hang up the phone, close the door. Saying No. do not let them in your home.
If they threaten in front of children.
Arrange to meet in a public place when the children are due to visit them. Or ask a family member to do pick ups and drop offs.
If needed get a non molestation order. But make sure you put in they can pick up and drop off children at Pre arranged time. It’s more normal for the children for the other parent to pick up from home if this is possible. They can contact you regarding picking up and seeing your children only, choose one method, email, message, messenger etc.
Messenger is good because you can put them into a ignor box and only go to it when you are calm enough to read what they’ve sent.
Remember the order isn’t about the children, it’s about them staying away from you.
Do your absolute best to stick to the routine and the boundaries, it will not take long before you see the benefits of this for your children and yourself. Xxx