How to raise self confident children.
It all comes down to how you talk to them and if the other parent is a narcissist, this can affect children, so the healthy parent plays a vital role in achieving this.
How to raise happy healthy self confident children. Yes it’s not always easy, but honestly if others can so can you.
Have rules in and around your home and stick to them. There’s a good chance knowing the narcissist that the children will not have rules when they are with the other parent and if they do these will swap and change to the narcissist wants and needs. So it’s vital you stick to them when the children are with you.
Children need structure in which they can develop and grow.
Healthy Parent need to achieve, discipline without coming across like the narcissist parent does.
You might not believe it when your child’s having a melt down or tantrum but they want you to give them rules and boundaries they want you to Care, teach and nurture them.
Subconsciously children like guild lines so they have structure in their lives, so they know what to expect and they have consistently. This is even more important when they only have one healthy positive parent, don’t make the mistake of trying to be friends with your children. You are a parent first always friend second. The narcissist will probably try and make the children their friend and not actually parent them. So counteract this as much as possible when children are with you. Yes it’s tough especially with what the children may be saying to you “ I don’t have to when I’m with my other parent” but when they are older they will see for themselves that your behaviour towards them was right. My older ones are 19 and 18 and they see it, hardly seeing their other parent now. Even though they saw them twice a week growing up.
Give your children the power to make their own choice, when they know what positive response they get when they make the right choice compared to the consequences of making the wrong choice this empowers them to make the correct choice. It also helps teach them that they are allowed opinions and choices. They need your guidance and direction, so they can realise the consequences to any actions and also so they can learn accountability. Helps with your children’s self awareness, Especially when they are around the narcissist as they grow they will simply question the other parents behaviour, still loving them but knowing for themselves what’s right and what is wrong.
Talk to them in a certain manner, they way you talk to them is the biggest factor into shaping a positive happy personality, growing their self confidence. This also helps with your children’s self awareness, self esteem and how much they will respect themselves. Children are not born with a self belief system, they grow their self belief system and core values from how they are treated and what’s happening around them. This will come mostly from the parent they spend most of their time with so constantly feed them with positive words. DO NOT criticise them. For one they’ll get enough of this from the narcissist parent. And two it has a very negative affect on them. If your child has contact with the narcissist this is why it’s a must to stick with routine and limited contact. Do not allow, emails, phone calls, face time or message when the children are with you, this is hard especially it’ll the child wants to but stay strong it will not last forever and your child will grow better for it, knowing both parents and knowing the difference in people also knowing how they prefer to be treated.
Do not complain about your children to your children, build them up as much as you can, they might be getting on your last nerve it happens to us all, depending on age leave them so they are safe, tell them “ I’m not really liking this or I’m getting upset, angry, annoyed hurt” make sure you’re using I’m, do say you’re making me. go take a bath and give them time to reflect then go talk to them.
To build on self esteem at every opportunity tell them how good they are, how kind they are, they are thoughtful, they are carrying how clever they are, how well they’ve done to achieve what they did. Teach them empathy with words to, respect. Nurture all the emotions, not only with words but with your actions.
Im not going to say it’s easy, children are children, is parents make mistakes, in today’s world and a narcissist parent, it is a great task, but because you want happy children it will drive you to keep going no matter what the hurdle.
You will be providing your children with the phycological emotion tools they need to grow into happy self confident well rounded children, this is vital if they do see the narcissist parent.
Remember the way you talk to your children is the single greatest factor in, helping them grow their personality so they can achieve what they want in life and have great self confidence. You do have to match your own words with your actions to so they know that actions are as vital as words.
Surround your children with good positive people. If the need extra help and support, visit your doctor or a child physiologist.