Once the relationship is over, think about how free you are even on the smallest of things. One of my own when I first split from my narcissist ex was simply the hoover, i don’t mean the narcissist hoovering you. I mean the household item. I’ve laughed several times about the hoover and reflected on how far I’ve come, since the days of been in a toxic relationship, not matter what it is you are thinking. try and turn it into a positive.
My hoover story
When I first met my narcissist ex they was amazing in every way, so helpful with everything, even doing the hoovering for me.
That soon changed once they moved in so fast I didn’t realise that they had walked through the door and not left, we were suddenly a couple living together within weeks, they’d often tell me how good it was to have them around, how helpful they where for me to have in my life, how much easier my life would be, how wrong was they and how wrong was I to believe this.
Soon after we was expecting our first child they changed. Taking a baseball bat and smashing up the bedroom over a small insignificant argument. Gone was this loving kind helpful person that in my mind now never existed, in it’s replace was a real life vampire,instead of sucking the blood out of me, I slowly allowed them to, suck my own self worth, my values, my opinions, my thoughts, my feelings, my home, my money, they slowly sucked everything away.
This wonderful person that would hoover for me no longer did, now I had to walk on eggshells, no longer could I do a simple task of hoovering our home, they hated the sound, would tell me do you have to do that, you’re just a clean freak, have you not got anything better to do with your life, plus so many more. It changed my mindset from routine and clean. To not daring to do a simple task such as hoover when they was in the home.
After we split, I cried, I grieved, not for the loss of the narcissist ex, I knew I was better without them, but for the loss of the dreams we made together in the start, these that would never turn into a reality with them, I grieved for my children and the family they had lost.
I learnt I had to re create my own dreams and achieve them for myself, little by little I picked myself back up.
One day I picked up that hoover, this was a time I was still consumed by my thoughts of them and us and who the actual f**k was that person, I was still coming to terms with what happened. This was my turning point as when I picked the hoover up, I remembered and told my self who I once was, who I want to be now. That I am finally free to do as I please, without fear of consequences, or the silent treatment, no more racking my brain to what I’d done to upset them this time, no longer worried or scared, free to have my life and my thoughts and do as I please.
A few weeks later was their birthday, and instead of wasting lots of money trying to please them, give them everything they want so we have a good birthday celebration, I spent that money on a new hoover for myself, a lovely beautiful quite one. And how I laughed. Laughter really is the best medicine to help you on your journey of recovery. I spent a small amount of money on some photos of the children, so they could give the other parents a gift on their birthday. I Although this went through me, I told myself I was doing it solely for the children, so they can learn for themselves how to treat others. They are also learning not to allow any body to treat them badly and how to cope when they do.
That first time they had an argument with the new partner, they started being nice towards our children, then I realised they were trying to hoover me back in, Ive closed that door on my life, every time they try to come back I remember my hoover and they’ll never change, they are just trying to hoover me. I’m so much better of without them.